Burned Bridges: Is it Possible to Rebuild?

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There may be a person in your life that you just can’t shake – a person that is missed so much that whatever drove you apart sits on your back like a bag of bricks. Perhaps you’ve tried to set that bag down and leave it without unpacking the contents but  it’s still attached to your weight slumped shoulders from the burden of things left unsaid.

How do you go from no contact to tentative conversation?  It can be done with time, patience, compassion, and forgiveness.

  •   Admit you started the fire to burn the bridge: One of the hardest things is to admit to yourself when you’ve done somebody wrong. It’s easy to lay the blame at their feet because after all, they’re the ones that caused your anger and your release of the relationship in the first place. But sometimes that’s a lie we tell ourselves to keep from being responsible for our own actions. It’s a reflection of our not so shining moments.
  •   Build a new bridge: Reach out to the person via text, email, phone call, sky-writing, blog post or any other way to let them know you’re willing to speak with them. If the person is receptive, apologize for what you did or said wrong. Leave expectations on the floor because sometimes the wound you’ve caused can run so deeply that there may be rejection or disbelief of your intentions. Remember to not just speak the words but take action. You’re asking for a new relationship which means you’re approaching this not as the former person, but as you are right now.
  •  Compassion for yourself and the new relationship: The old wounds will be there. They may be scabbed over or even scarred, but they will be there. Realize that when you look at the other person with compassion in your heart, the scars fade after time.  It is as falling in love with that person’s current self and from this point you’ve come to in the realization that this relationship is worth it. History can’t be changed, only the here and now is important.
  •   Dissolve anger, pride, and resentment: Holding on to anger is that bag of bricks that weighs your spirit down. Realize that you reacted or acted in a very human manner. Your feelings of resentment  have no place in the new relationship you’re attempting to re-establish. The pride that kept you from making the reconnection before needs to find the humbleness of release. Feel the emotions, but don’t hold them. Allow them to dissipate.
  •   Evolve your view of the person: Are you the same person you were when you cut the relationship from your life?  The other person isn’t either. Meet her as if for the first time, because technically, you are. Get to know their current self because what you remember may (or truthfully, may not) be accurate. Anger changes the color of memories to murky depths instead of embracing the current vibrancy of now. This is a new day and a new relationship based on time passing. Let her be who she is now, not how you remember them.
  •   Forgive yourself and the other person: This one can prove difficult depending on the circumstances of the separation. By setting down your feelings from the past and allowing things to be as they are, forgiveness is not far behind. Forgiveness helps us to see things clearly again. It wipes the slate clean even if the faint outline of the transgression can still be seen, it’s no longer the focus of the relationship. The focus shifts to rebuilding instead of rehashing.
  •   Give love willingly: What if the person you’re reaching out to rejects your attempt at reconciliation? What if they don’t want anything to do with you or your efforts to rebuild? Love her anyway. Just because you’re ready to re-establish a relationship doesn’t mean she will be.  If she is willing, then don’t be afraid to let her get to know you as you are now. Your personal growth has brought you to a point where you realize the value of what you’ve been missing. Allow the vulnerability of love to fill in those parts, whether rejected or accepted. Love the other person. Love yourself. Let it be organically grown from your heart no matter their response.
  •   Healthy Communication: Be honest with yourself and the person you’re re-establishing a relationship with. Speak from your heart while listening to spirit. There is nothing more satisfying than accepting one another exactly as you are. You don’t have to be a allow yourself to communicate your own wants and needs. you’re establishing grounds of mutual respect. It builds trust, balance, and reinforces your sincerity.

Great things can take time to build or rebuild.  Although there is no guarantee that the other person will be receptive to your outreach, discovering that you can set down that bag of bricks is totally worth it.

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Say Goodbye: Ending Toxic Friendships

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How far down the road are you willing to go before you realize that you have gone the wrong direction? It is human nature to believe that we have it all under control, that we know what we are doing but let’s face it, even the best of us have stayed our welcome in our comfort zones a little too long.  Look at The Buddha. It took him seven years to realize he was on the wrong path with starvation, neglect, and self-abuse as a pathway to enlightenment.

It’s really okay to say I don’t want this anymore.  In fact if it wasn’t said, how could we ever evolve?  We would be putrid with the stench of murky stagnation, and no one would ever want to be near us.

When it comes to friendships, this is a truth that is so essential that our very life force depends on it.

When a friendship has overstayed its welcome, both parties know. It is like having a corpse lying on the floor in the middle of a vibrant garden party.  You can smell its decay over honeysuckles, sweet pea, tea and chocolate truffles. And if you are not careful, you end up tripping over its remains and landing face first in the grass where a dog has just marked her territory, mussing up your fine attire while everyone calls you the fool.

There are just some moments when you know there can be no more compromises, when you realize your friend has not taken your best interests to heart and you must let said person go.

Relationships are a pathway to your best self. The very best of those you choose to relationship with will hold a key that was always yours, given to them before either of you touched your feet on the planet’s surface.  They know your best and worst without you having to say a word and are willing to spar you until you get your shit right and take you into their arms with the greatness of their love. The deliciousness continues when there is a mutual desire established to make the other person smile, laugh, and grow.

We teach people how to treat us.  If we are silent because of mistreatment that is clearly evident to both parties, it becomes Palestine level hostile territory. You both will begin to count the things that you have done for each other. You will hold the remaining power you possess over the other person. Resentment will hold you both at gunpoint, and then you will toxify each other with your darkness. Suddenly you will awaken to the realizations that all of those little snide jokes, subtle insults and the blow-offs were hostage negotiations for your soul.

But I need my friends, you will think, as your dignity trickles down your leg.

It doesn’t matter how long you have known someone, if it isn’t healthy, you are a hostage and captor as is your counterpart. Your sick game continues with each of you playing either role until someone is strong enough to squeeze her sweat-stung eyes shut and pull the trigger before the last tear falls.

Let it be you.

Spotting a Toxic Relationship

If you are afraid to tell the truth in any relationship, there is no relationship at all. We need to give ourselves permission to speak the truth when we are hurt at the very moment our heart has been pierced. If a friendship is ever going to get past the first flush and get real, admissions of mistakes and exposure of our worst selves is inevitable. If you have difficulty allowing this to happen, you are participating in the creation of a toxic environment.

In healthy relationships, respect and understanding to the commitment of cultivating a relationship is present. In unhealthy relationships, boundaries are blurred through the most vulnerable moments.  As you pour your heart out, the information may be reserved for another moment when among friends, it is used to weaken you. Gift giving and other heart-felt moments will be used to keep you hanging on in a tiresome dance of besting. You may hear your bestie say terrible things, and you excuse it thinking she would never say anything like that about me until the day comes when you  meet your confidences face to face in the form of an invasive, sensational question being asked from someone you don’t know.

What makes toxic people?

Toxic people make toxic people. When we are silent to our own needs and put the needs of others above all else, we are creating a toxic environment for ourselves that will naturally permeate all other relationships. In the silencing of our true nature, we lose our uniqueness and our psyche, heart, and soul become diseased.

When we ignore our intuition screaming in our head - run, yet we step closer, we have a real problem on our hands. Our own judgment cannot be trusted. We will therefore attract untrustworthy people.  They can spot us a mile away.  We are the ones wearing the graphic tee that says “naïve prey.”

We need to first make sure we are the happiest we can be in the present moment with ourselves. We need to make sure we enjoy solitude, our inner wildness, our assertive attitude, and our flaws before we go outside ourselves to make solid relationships. It is essential to get to know and fall in love with ourselves. We need to have a healthy dose of selfishness. We require individuality, our own identity. There must be a reason for wanting to share our moments with another person that comes from the core of who we authentically are. That takes serious integrity.

Integrity is a balm for toxic people. It is a force of energy that commands respect and straightens the spine.  It tells us that we are worth the very best of life through its unconditional sustainment in all that lives. Those that do not possess or understand it are easily detected – they are the same as our underdeveloped selves and because of that, we may fall hard for their potential.  While such a person may appear to be kindred to our own days of being a demi-goddess, it is not up to us to take them under our wings and create them. Who created us? Our excruciating pain of learning the hard way did.  So, when they walk into our sacred space in short shorts, fuck-me pumps, a whole lot of smooth talk and zero substance, it is okay to gracefully decline engagement in favor of your heard-earned life wisdom.

Letting go of unhealthy friendships is the very best gift you could give yourself. Sometimes, friendships that have no anchor just dissolve, but others have such a deep rooted spur in the heart that they need life-changing truth spoken with fire before a quick goodbye.  Follow your heart. Love yourself first.

Know limits, boundaries and choose friends wisely with your intuition as your guide.

 

 

 

 

 

Creating a Working Marriage

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Call me a hopeless romantic or an endless fool, but I never imagined myself without a partner which unfortunately has caused me to make several very poor choices. I am on my fourth marriage. I met my current and last husband in 2004 and married him in 2007. He’s taught me more about my wrong view of marriage by being the kind of husband I need, more than what I learned from the bookshelves of the many self-help books on how to make a marriage work.  I’ve found several differences between my current relationship and  my previous marriages.

Just because someone says “I love you” doesn’t mean they love you the way you need to be loved, or know how to love you in a sustaining way. Love doesn’t take away from who you are, it’s an addition to your very being. It allows you to bloom in the fertile soil of the heart that gets watered with tears, shined on by laughter, and nurtured into a fully bloomed you. That applies not only to having a partner, but also in loving yourself.

The little things aren’t so little. My spouse likes to make me coffee on Sunday morning. I like to make him dinner when he comes home from work. He likes to bring me my hard to find favorite beverage. I like to make sure he has plenty of his required alone time. Reminding each other regularly that we’re thinking of one another prevents us from taking each other for granted. It’s like mini-dates throughout our busy (and sometimes not so busy) days.

Forgiveness goes a long way. Your partner is human just like you. They have their own quirks and idiosyncrasies that make life with them interesting. If either of you make a mistake, genuinely apologize then respect one another enough not to do it again. Don’t be afraid to admit when you’ve erred. Laugh out loud at the crazy world. Laugh often. Be ridiculous and silly without fear. Humor goes a long way in smoothing out some of the bumpy spots.

 Communicate your wants, needs, and expectations to your partner. If they don’t know it’s broken, they can’t fix it. If they are unaware of your needs, how likely are you to get your needs met? Each couple communicates in different ways. Explore, then do what works for each of you in a healthy and productive way.

Accept them for everything they are, but also know that they will probably change and grow.  

Your partner is your best friend. Treat them with compassion. If your partner is dealing with a tremendous loss or stress and they ask for your support, don’t reject them by fearfully running away. Take time to see what you both need in times of distress. It could be just listening to them while they talk through what’s bothering them. 

 

Mastering Our Communication Lives: Plus, Enjoy Some Mixed Metaphor

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{ Source: Pinteres t}

“Communication is SO key.” –the great social philosopher and former Disney star, Ashley Tisdale.

Human communication, or how we use our verbal messages (language) and non-verbal actions, is very powerful.  Yet, like fish missing water, most people take communication for granted, assuming that possession of ears and a working mouth is all that is needed for successful communication.  Or more dangerously, we progress through our communication landscape mindlessly like bulls in a precious china shop, leaving devastation in our wake. Communication mistakes are easy to make and can be personally, interpersonally, and professionally costly.

The messages we send are the spells we use to create or destroy the reality we experience.  It is our communication to ourselves that empowers or disempowers us; making communication critical to our personal well-being. Many metaphysical techniques rely on positive communication and the power of words to accomplish great energetic shifts in our lives. Communication is the social currency that we use to initiate and manage all of our relationships.  Anyone who has said something cruel or thoughtless in a relationship knows how destructive a simple string of a few words can be.  Words, if used mindfully and ethically, can be the fertile soil for love to bloom. Yet using a negative word is like throwing a grenade into the shelter of your love, potentially causing irreparable damage. Research done by John Gottman and colleagues finds that for every ONE negative comment you make in a relationship, FIVE positive comments are required just to balance things out!  It is so easy to destroy something so precious that you have to work extra hard to repair the situation.  Understanding how to manage interpersonal communication will improve your chances of having satisfying and healthy friendships, romantic relationships, and families.

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Communication is also the vehicle we use to navigate our interactions at work. Try holding onto a job if you are difficult to get along with or careless in your communication. Communication is the ticket we have to participation in the public sphere. It is through communication that we influence others and the world around us. Critical thinking, informed citizens, and civil discourse are the ways that we will have a chance to solve the looming problems that threaten our society.

Fortunately, the interdisciplinary field of communication studies (generating its own theory and also pulling theory into communication contexts from English, philosophy, psychology, sociology, anthropology, and Rhetoric) offers a vast body of literature on human communication and what it takes to be communicatively competent.  Where there is communication occurring, there is often some communication researcher studying it.  Sometimes in surprising ways, what we assume to be true about how communication functions does not match what is found in the research, so it is good to check the data instead of just relying on stereotypes.  Spiritual traditions and metaphysical thought systems also address the ethical and authentic use of communication, and can provide a higher level of understanding to complement modern social scientific findings.

In this regular column on the Anjana Network, I will provide quick communication tutorials that you can apply to your everyday interactions.  My approach to communication is deeply rooted in social scientific research, with an occasional metaphysical twist!  Communication is just a series of neutral tools; it is up to us to use communication wisely. And it is through knowledge based on research and the writings of spiritual thought leaders that we can make wise and strategic decision to use the magic of communication to create the personal, interpersonal, and public lives that manifest our dreams.

Body of Truth

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{ Source: WordPress }

While trying on clothes at a retail store lately, this point was dramatically displayed in the stall next to mine.

A beautiful, physically fit woman in her early fifties was talking with her younger counterpart – a woman in her early twenties. “Oh, if only I could lose five more pounds,” she said pensively.  She stared at her washboard abs sadly. “Men only like skinny women.”

I wanted to come leaping out of my stall grab her by the shoulders and have a heart to heart. I wanted to say “Darling, you are perfect and beautiful. If you have not found a man that has fallen in love with your soul, keep looking!”

Moving to a second store, I was surprised to run into the same two women in the dressing room. Again, the conversation turned to a diatribe of self loathing. This time the young woman piped up replying “You are beautiful. You have a womanly body ripe with curves.”

I wanted to applaud.

YES! Be grateful for your body, it is your temple. Your physical form is the sanctuary that houses your soul. Surround yourselves with worshipers who will delight in your presence. It is time that we love and respect ourselves, especially while on the road to self improvement. Be your own source of encouragement.

When it comes time to selecting your mate, choose when you are at the height of your self esteem. Choose someone who reflects you at your best. True self esteem is connected to your core, not the superficial. Self-acceptance comes from truly looking at yourself, even the shadow-self, forgiving and embracing it all with love.

When I am asked why I am still single, I am quick to reply with a smile. “I believe I will find someone when I am at the height of my self esteem.  Apparently there’s still a little room for improvement!” This usually catches people off guard at first, but after my truth resonates with them they say “WOW, I really like that. You are so positive and happy!”

YES!  Yes I am!

The journey of self discovery is amazing and I am happily counting my blessings. In fact, I think more people would be happy if they did just that.

Count your blessings. Life is a wonderful experience and I promise when you leave this plane, no one that loves you will notice if you take an extra five pounds with you. They will, however remember how you felt about yourself. They will remember if you were happy or if you were critical.

Choose wisely.

Soul Bonded: A Thank you Note to My Husband

"Everything Good in The World" Photo by Anjana Dixon

“Everything Good in The World” Photo by Anjana Dixon

Deliciousness incarnate, you stepped with your grandness into my life when I needed you the most.  You bore the weight of a life that was meant to soften your heart.  It taught you lessons of a weathered, shipwrecked soul with its absence.  Yes, we both were shipwrecked, on the same island, hiding from one another in lives that didn’t fit the grandness of our spirit.

Thank you for searching for what makes you happy all the time.  If you had not been on the quest to be a master of life, enthralled by the beauty of the world’s untamable landscape, our paths would never have crossed.

We were bonded at the time the Universe divided into fractals of self-reflection.  We are primordial connection, we are earth and fire. They bring life when they are joined in the heat of sacred union.  We are love.  We create together.

Thank you for creating a life that is exciting, aware, and tenderly fragile in the darkness.  Perfection lies in our moments of full exposure, when we fear the magic of our bond will somehow be stolen from us.  We will even fight one another to preserve its perfection.

I absolutely adore you. You are everything to me.

I was closed, afraid of the scent of a fresh morning.  I reveled in the perpetual shame of being incompletely yolked with the monsters that were welcomed under my sheets.  Then in your heroic quintessence, your unconditional love transported me away from the warzone.

Thank you for making me the best, worst, most invested, excited, nervous, shy, sex crazed woman in her full-bodied, unapologetically voluptuous and ripened state of being.

The fruit is yours for the taking.

Thank you for being you.  The silly, sweet, brilliant, sexy, maddening, best father and husband a woman could ever want.

Love,

Anjana

Intimate Expectations

Relationship AsylumIn the beginning there was heat. The heat emanated from their hearts and their sacred organs for body worship. Poems, sonnets, and songs radiated from their lips as they danced on the cloud of newness.  They tasted the nectar of the gods with each delicate act of love.  They chased time with their all-night rendezvous lasting for what seemed to be only a moment, and it was very good.

Wait a minute. It WAS good?  What about it still is good? You mean those mind-blowing all-nighters, nooners, morning quickies, and sixty-nine sessions are finished?!

Not necessarily…

As a relationship matures, the inevitability of the first flush waning can become disappointing to a romantic.  It is a time when lives merge and reality sets in. This is just as explosive as the physical bonding that takes place, but it is present in the alchemical changes that are taking place as you both step into a new reality together. A common misconception is that the intimate magician within you and your lover must make way for the still waters of stability.

Life has its rhythms. People grow, revert, change ideas and evolve. As this symphony unfolds, you may find a pensive or inattentive mate by your side.  Love making may become routine, or functional. Does this mean that the intimacy is gone?

No.

To make love with your partner is to be by her side for life. It is hidden in the treasure of normalcy and is proven in how you support each other as you each take time to be intimate with your inner selves. As your storehouse replenishes itself, you will find your hunger for your mate increase. This is the key to the insulating your relationship with remnants of the first flush.

Look at your lover with new eyes every day. Each day there will be something different that can be observed and appreciated. Share your findings, and see where the trail leads. To be in a relationship is to be in a continual scavenger hunt for new aspects of a long-time love.

If you hold expectations over your lovers head, things will implode.

Expectations are necessary but can sometimes get in the way of deep intimacy with you and your mate.  For women, intimacy begins at the moment of connection. Encouragement, reassurance, attentive care and then sex are essentials for her flower to open. She seeks to find her lover thinking and dreaming of her. She wants to be in her lover’s thoughts, actions and feelings. When this does not occur, and the everyday life threatens to diminish the spark of a relationship, it is up to her to go within and evaluate her expectations of perpetual perfection.

Conversely, a man is visually stimulated before his magician can reveal what is hidden. He desires his partner to maintain an alluring look, health in the body and mind so that he may connect fearlessly to his or her body. That being said, it is important that the intimate expectations of both parties are met healthily and do not overpower the intimacy to create a power struggle.

The heat of the first flush is always available to you and your lover. Make it interesting, make it light, and make it spectacular.

Rise Above Sparkless Love

Relationship Asylum Wait not one second longer before the ember goes out.  You are running out of time and no other lover will come to your rescue from the unconditional love you are already privy to. This is your love affair with the everyday unkempt, smelly, habit ridden magic that you once cried that you may not ever experience and have now have become disenchanted with. Oxygenate the tired embers that still glow even if you choose not to notice their haunting smolder. This is the call to arms, lips, hands and hearts to re-awaken the love that you once hungered for.  Are you really going to let boredom rob you of what’s yours?

The love that you have with your partner is rare and will never occur again. You both stand as the only prototypes of your art with your love as the medium. You awaken to a blank canvas and an unwritten song every morning.  Your routines are the symphonies of connection.  Your lover’s sonnet to you is in his unwavering presence and her devotion that has become second nature. Can you see the magic of love? Can you taste its salty-sweet nectar?

Do not give into believing the lies that love is always romantic, orgasms are always easy, and that problems are solved at the end of a twenty-two minute segment after an orange juice commercial. This is real life.  Love is gritty, vulnerable with ugly messy cries and sweaty nights of passion. It is the teamwork of financial problem solving and child rearing.  It is the hand holding even when you think your partner is wrong as it is you being held when you are devilishly hateful.  Life is most exciting without the comfort of a safety net.  Love is the other-worldly tandem trapeze act that is your greatest art form even if it looks like flannel pajama bottoms and tousled hair.

It is time for you to connect to the daredevil within to forgive past resentments and release lofty expectations. Look beyond annoyances and zoom right over the edge of the cliff onto the other side of vulnerable, tenderly soft-hearted love. This is the love that makes you remember why his eyes can speak to you without the movement of his mouth, and how that little spot under her nose is the most comforting vision you have ever experienced.  There are still hidden treasures that you are meant to discover.

Give gratitude to all that your lover does and attempts to do.  This exchange will create so much prosperity, it will not be able to be contained in your hearts or even your home. With such a palpable energy, you can change the state of non-functioning aspects of your relationship and inspire others around you to do the same.

This love is the only language that no one will ever know. It is your secret, exclusive rendezvous behind the velvet rope of the creator realm.  The power of the universe emanates from within you at the exact same frequency as the love of your life. Comparing such a treasure to the watered down version of life that is emulated through your perception of other people’s happiness is the greatest disservice to the Universe’s creative expression through you. Live through your own brand of love, love yourself,  become better at loving through your own lessons learned, and wrap your arms and legs around the reality that love is work with explosively pleasurable results.

 

Full-Exposure: Courage In Love

Relationship AsylumHiding your heart, your flaws, and shortcomings is the easy way out.  It may not seem that way when you and your lover come to blows and the collateral damage is your security imploded.  You each expose your villainous intention of being right or more powerful than the other, hurl judgments, and bicker all in the name of making the other see your point (that 20 years from now will be a point of humor).

There has got to be a better way to  get real.

Letting a person love you for your personal super powers is a very easy, ego building task, but it is like falling in love with a picture on the wall or a character in your favorite movie.  That snapshot of you is a two dimensional specter of your actual self, compiled from years of study about what a partner finds valuable and is easy to love.  The gravity of love abounds when the mascara stained, hand ringing, brick walled stoicisms, and defense mechanisms act as guides to a common goal: deeper commitment and even better eruptions of sexual, emotional, and other forms of mutual fulfillment.

Sometimes the difficulty is not in loving someone with shortcomings so brazenly exposed; it is being loved for your own. Being loved while being unlovable is one of the most painful tasks and humbling realities one could ever face.  You may look at your idiosyncrasies, bad habits and personality flaws and think “No one would ever love that,” as you hide the greatest aspect of your uniqueness away.  Letting yourself release the guise of perfection is one of the greatest acts of courage that you will ever experience.  It requires you to stop perpetuating the lie that a person has to be perfect or well-liked in order to be fully loved.

Getting passed the gate keeper of your soul while attached in a relationship is the difficulty (that is also an opportunity) that will eventually hone your communication skills from grating dissonance to sublime harmony. Defenses do the worst damage because they never have your best interests in mind but make you think they do.  They sneak into past moments of heartbreak and impregnate themselves in scar tissue, only to be born as monsters under your bed – usually when you feel the most secure.  One may or may not choose to recognize their presence but eventually they require your attention.  Otherwise, they feed on words spoken in jest that are misunderstood, they use your mouth to complain about quality of life, or any other lack of fulfillment that is not the direct responsibility of the other party. They make you feel bored with what you think you already know about the person you have chosen to stand alongside throughout life.

Defenses are pollutants that permeate the air with contention between you and your partner and are paradoxically the poisons that make us feel safe.  When can one peel away the layers and expose the frighteningly fragile, fucked-up, ethereal unique beauty that is as volatile as an exploding sun, but as constant as time itself?

Establishing a relationship with yourself, connecting to your darker aspects, and expanding your sense of personal awareness is the greatest ally against shadow-boxing ghosts of your past that usurp your joy and wear your lover’s skin like a costume.   Love is not only in the rose-colored, orgasmic first-flushed bliss that is easy to experience and makes others envy your flushed faced pheromone output.  It is present in the dim lit future, the uncertainty, and unexpected tragedies.  It is the freezing cold exposure of your absolute worst self-celebrated with the warming torches of honesty, commitment, and the courage to still embark on the processional of the unknown.  To experience one more day with the one you adore, is perfection itself.  You don’t have to bear the weight of what is already present.

Spiraling

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A Fingerprint Labyrinth

Life is a spiral without time.  Time is applied to the physical world and our bodies become the keepers of time.  If we look at life and our relationship with it beyond time, we see the poetic depth of a teaching that offers itself to us as deep understanding.  There are times in our lives when we question who we are; we may search for the reasons why things happen.  We perform outward tasks to gain merit, to find a mate, to succeed and to survive.  These ambitions of proof are all pathways to a greater attainment of wisdom in our consciousness if we open our hearts to their truth.

Life is a fight… Life is hard. We enter into the world with a sense of purity, innocence, and a living smile on our face completely unaware of what we have gotten ourselves into while we try to make our lives outside of ourselves.  We live according to culture, tradition and ambition.  Doors close and others open.  Sometimes the wear and tear of disappointment kills the gifts that we take for granted (like the living smiles on our faces and the barefoot carefree nature of our childhood souls).  Failures are inevitable in a world of right and wrong, black and white, and good and bad.  While we are alive, we know that our actions will hurt someone.  There is no one exempt from failure or loss.  The reaction to failure outside of ourselves is judgment and a remembrance of it that will never be forgotten.  The spiral spins downward while everyone watches.  Conversely, our victories can be met with the same fervor, but then we must contend with the upward spiral of hero worship, high expectations, and a continual pressure of duplicating the first victory until perfection is attained.  This is the nature of the outer world without buffers, in its starkly naked reality.   On either side of the outward spiral, there are difficulties and we must know how to transcend them.

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The Universe’s Fingerprint

There is a miraculous moment of dawning in our lives that is available to us instantly and infinitely if we know where to find it.  It does not require us to be “properly educated,”  it seeks the minds or hearts of kings and queens the same as it seeks the mind and heart of the orphan.  It is the inward spiral.

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A millipede going inward

The inward spiral is your transportation above the fray.  It is the nature of connection to all things beyond the constructs of life’s politics.  It is the highest teacher, the greatest friend, and is the wisest sage.  It is the universe within you, and the mind behind all that you see without you.   Creating a relationship with it may be difficult at first.  You will have to get past the gate keeper of your ego’s defenses.  You will have to look at your failures, take responsibility for your choices, and forgive yourself.  You will have to cease judging others and see all living things as an aspect of you.  You will have to clear away the thicket to see the rising sun and bask in its warmth.  When you do all those things, you will find a doorway to the opening of your heart.  You will see yourself as you truly are:  completely whole.

You are made by your experiences, both positive and negative, but you are not defined by them.  You are in the world but you don’t have to acquiesce to its frivolities or fight it’s battles with an eye for an eye.  You are in the presence of the moment, you are  a miracle.  When you turn the spiral of life from spiraling outward to inward, you suddenly make all of creation available to you and you will be available to all of it.

This is the mastery of life.

Everything outside of yourself is not enough to make you happy.  Nothing that spirals out of you will nourish you unless you are nourished by the rich garden of the conscious mind.

Turn inward.

plant spiral