With my heart open and my vision clear, I understand the importance of my life here in this place: space, time, here, now, the Earth dream of which we are all a part. My life and yours are here for a greater purpose. Let it be established: we all have a significant reason for being here, otherwise we would not exist. Through our conscious and subconscious growth we have the opportunity to live fully authentic experiences – more authentic than what we believe to be the most real aspects of ourselves.
The Care of Souls
That is my purpose here. Sometimes I feel very shocked by the dichotomy of this truth against the dreams and goals of my formative years. However in this moment of truth, I realize that my formative years really were not preparing me for the life that I had in my daydreaming mind so much as the life Spirit was preparing me for within my circumstances. The sacred place where the two worlds have merged is the creative realm. For me, that realm contains books, unconditional love, music, dancing, and most importantly, a limitless fountain of spiritual wisdom that quenches my thirst and empowers me to teach all that I have learned. It is the place that I go to have my cup refilled.
I have always had the desire to enjoy life, feel love, inspire others and partake in carefree, healing play to my heart’s content and that has not changed. Laughter, encouragement, and kindness have always been go-to staples in my life, but the best way for them to be used has not been anything that my limited human tendencies could have ever fathomed or have attempted thus far. It has been very difficult to trust in the truth of my calling because…well, I am stubborn. But with each and every falling of the leaves on the trees outside my window, I could attach the number of failed attempts at a life divergent from my calling. When this kind of epic failure happens, I retreat more deeply into meditation and dream work to discover answers.
I feel extremely connected to the love in my heart when I meditate. It opens everything so deeply that sometimes I feel overwhelmed, anxious. I think it is because this life means so very much to me. It is so real, so precious that every day I feel like I am a living a miracle. Every day I feel tremendously connected to this world and what lies beyond the borders of the mind. So in my meditations, my calling’s whisper became louder and louder. When I ignored the call, I only experienced suffering. I thought if I answered the call, I expected my life to be over. And so began the tango between my truth and Spirit’s knowledge of me.
When I heard the calling to become a minister, I thought that I had to become pious, stop having sex and other forms of great fun. I didn’t want to memorize scriptures (even though I had half of Christian text memorized by the time I was eleven), edicts or creeds; I didn’t know whether or not I believed in God at all. I mean, I certainly didn’t think that God was a man dispensing grace to some and not others…
I wanted to know more about the nature of all things from a spiritual perspective. I wanted to know why there were whispers in the breeze and wisdom in the forest. I was voracious for unseen knowledge. I wanted to lift the skirt of providence to see what was underneath. I wanted to ingest all forms of art as a holy Eucharist.
Then, I wanted take what I learned and tell others with excitement and joy about the mystery and power of life, especially their own. When I came to the realization that life was my sacred church, I understood that these acts of discovery above all else are the pearls of my life’s work and my problem was one of expectation. I made expectations of what my calling was supposed to look like, and rejected what it actually is. I was totally confused as to the difference between the perpetuation of religion and the care and feeding of the soul. I didn’t realize that when the call comes, not only must it be answered, but the way I answer it is completely up to me.