The Anjana Network Expansion Pack + A Wild Call To Artists & Visionaries

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Your tribe has called you to stand up and be heard.

The Anjana Network is a popular blog platform for creative free-spirited, goddess, artists, and visionaries that has provided quality content since 2012. Based in Knoxville, Tennessee, The Anjana Network was founded by Anjana Love Dixon. Anjana is an artist, musician, mystic, and writer. The vision of The Anjana Network is to let the unheard artist express themselves on our multi-media platform without fear or filter.  The craving of spiritual wildness is sated with new perspectives on the old soul.

How to get involved:

A Call to Writers:

Goddess Wisdom is the central focus of The Anjana Network. We discuss the spiritual path, inspire new life hacks, dance in the rain, and commit our confessions to the sacred circle.  Our contributors are fearless elemental forces from all walks of life. We are questing for a strong group of insightful gods and goddesses, hot-blooded rebel rousers, iconoclasts, the misunderstood, and sex kittens to write a new wrinkle in the fabric of space-time.

Blog Submission Guidelines:

  • Your submission should be one essay, article or poem per contributor – double-spaced and in Microsoft word format no less than 500 words and no more than 1200 words.
  • A picture and bio of 75-100 words
  • You are free to use previously written work or blog, simply change the title & featured image so as not to confuse search engines.
  • You own the rights to your work and we encourage you to share it as many times as you can with the world on different platforms.

A Call to Audio Artists:

We are currently accepting new podcast submissions. There is an opening for two  20-30 minute segment-rich podcasts in the following categories:

  • Comedy
  • Philosophy
  • 80s Pop Culture
  • Movies & Filmmaking
  • Music

Podcast Submission Guidelines:

  • Your written treatment should include the following: Logline (short pitch), projected audience demographic, genre & long pitch 
  • Please submit a hi-res photo and bio (75 words or less)
  • Demo reel is welcomed but not required.

We are accepting podcasts with professional grade production value. You can produce yourself, or hire us to help you out.

A Call to Authors:

Pulsar Press, The Anjana Network’s publishing company is currently accepting queries for outlandish creative and soul shaking work. It is the objective of Pulsar Press to enliven the human spirit through provocative creativity.  We are accepting the following:

Literature:

  • Fiction
  • Non-fiction
  • Soul Work & Self-help
  • Expository Essays on Art, culture, & Creativity

Art:

  • Photography books
  • Graphic Novels
  • Divination Cards – Oracle & Tarot

Publishing Guidelines: Please allow two weeks for response.

  • Literature: Please submit a query letter attached to the first ten pages of your work double spaced in Ariel or Helvetica typeface.  Please link back to previous published work in your submission.
  • Art: Please submit a query letter along with a story board, portfolio and bio/media kit.

New Show Announcement & A Call to Actors:

We are currently in preproduction for a new show for Knoxville based artists, performers, musicians, actors & enthusiasts called MOON & ME hosted by Ricky Moon & Anjana Love Dixon.  We are looking for the following:

Announcements:  we are announcing upcoming indie arts & entertainment events in Knoxville for artists who need help getting the word out. We also share information about upcoming auditions for actors, musicians, performers and the like. Got an event coming up from June until the end of the year? Submit information ASAP. It’s free!

The Hungry Actors Showcase: will be a segment where you get to meet Knoxville actors trying to work and feed themselves.  This is a free platform where actors will be interviewed, share a short monologue, and be placed on our listing for indie film makers. Please submit Actor resume and headshot for consideration.

Advertise/Sponsor:

The Anjana Network is an Alexa rated high ranking website that is the #1 online publication in Knoxville, second in online/print to Knoxville News Sentinel. We have over 45,000 unique visitors to our platform every month reading, listening, and coming back for more.  Generous advertising packages include product endorsement/reviews, packaged rates, and social media mentions, and podcast & video commercials.

 

Please submit queries & casting call submissions to:

theanjananetwork@gmail.com with appropriate subject line.

 

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Searching by the Light of the Blood Moon

Are you still searching for your guru, your spiritual leader, and the bestowment of an epiphany from a divine creator or well-dressed messenger from the flock?

Some well-meaning people hold so much importance in following a leader, they allow them to dictate how to live in hopes to connect to the true identity of god. They will give hard money to this cause if the means justify the end result, saving their soul. From the days of selling tickets to heaven in the dark ages to Joel Osteen’s sickening million dollar toothy grin, the value of independent thought has depreciated over centuries. Some still fall for the scam in the Joyce Meyer’s , Benny Hinn’s, and Blossom Goodchild’s of the world. Sad as it may seem, they know the crux of human nature and how to manipulate it. They have feasted on it all the way to their million dollar mansions and astronomical bank rolls.

Right now we are in the dark. We are being submerged in a collective quietness and forced to use our intuition to see into the dark places we are fearful to explore.  We are here to uncover our  inner discoveries that no man, or construct of god ever dare touch for our spiritual freedom is our own.

Our Primary Block

There is an inherent human desire to avoid deep soul work. We look outside ourselves for personal truth. We petition the opinions of the venerated to tell us we are worthy to draw breath yet here we all are together: flawed, imperfect, and unable to fully explain the mystery of life. We are on a beautiful path of discovery even if we never truly arrive.

Fear sets in when we realize that we have carte blanche to create the world we wish to live in. We look to those whom have pronounced their own divine inspiration and seem to have a secret in with the man upstairs. They tell us what he looks like, what he thinks, what he wants us to do even if it means to kill our own, forget about the ills of those who do not deserve to understand his grace (Like all those godless sweatshop child laborers who don’t have a prayer).

American spirituality is clinging to an old wooden ideal by its fingernails while looking down at an infinite drop into the unknown. Letting go is the easiest part. Digging the splinters out will take a transcendence that could only be summoned by the divine feminine nature in all of its hot blooded pandemonium.

And the Moon Shall Turn to (Dianic) Blood

The grandiose femininity of the Blood Moon awaits our fearless quest to search for ourselves under her menstrual tinged awareness. Welcome to the red temple. We have been moon lodging since April 15, but were well prepared with the Mystical Menstrual equine wisdom from the previous retrograde. We have the opportunity to slough off the lining of our souls, and bleed our personal limitations back to the earth, so that we may become viable to carry wisdom full term.

The traditional name for a Blood Moon is the Hunter’s Full Moon, taken from Native American tradition. This is where the Goddess Wisdom of the huntress in all her fearsome archetypes rises up, taking her bow and arrow and  slaying the truth for her nourishment with perfect precision. She tracks footprints by the hazy red hue of her higher self.

The hunter’s moon asks you to search and discover without the attachment to an outside ideal. It is the time when your spiritual hunger will be fed by your own hands.  You have the power to nourish yourself, you always have. Open to the world without limits, and tap into divine feminine wisdom that will ultimately leave you on a higher plane of self-knowledge, the kind of knowledge that helps you to see through the veneer.

At this time, we have the pleasure of experiencing a rare set of 4 lunar eclipses – a tetrad in 2014-2015:

Full Moons with Total Lunar Eclipses:

15 April 2014
8 October 2014
4 April 2015
28 September 2015

For the Bible bound, the Blood Moon speaks to the treachery of Armageddon which to me, makes no sense. Firstly, in order to believe in the Blood Moon, we must all agree that astrology is a viable source of information which doesn’t gel with the Bible’s main policy of the jealous god talking smack about humans exploring other belief systems like astrology. I mean we can’t even agree on Science in this country anymore because of creationism. Gah!  Secondly, this is a purported prophecy, yet we can’t prophecy for ourselves? That’s a sin too? I call bullshit on all this right here, right now.

The end of the world as we know it happens each and every moment, at the close of each and every day. We experience the beauty of newness every time we awaken our entire selves, mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, sexually.  Each discovery is an end to the person we once were. We experience cataclysmic truth when we discover that our spiritual purpose was different than what we were taught to believe. We see the apocalyptic horsemen of our senses waging war to be set free to experience the world without limits, to refine the human experience.

Now is the time.  The blood moon is your passage deep within the recesses of your undiscovered heart.  It is up to you to claim and love all of your spiritual aspects, your orphaned children, from the regrettable secrets you hide to the profound illumination you crave. No one is your guru. No one is your source for salvation, enlightenment, or awareness except you and the efforts of your soul work. Nothing is off limits. Goddess Wisdom tells us this which is why its energy is feared and repressed.

We women thrive on creation as opposed to destruction and see destruction as a form of creation. We desire the cultivation of knowledge rather than suppression of independent thought. We are fueled by the chaos of love that causes us to change our minds, see through time, and rediscover over and over again. We are the bearers of personal freedom. We break the chains that have held down the demons of the underworld within and without us, letting them run amok. They are free to set out on a path of their own as well.

There is never a better time than this moment to stir up some trouble.

There is no guru. There is no savior. There is only you.

Do it.

 

 

In the Depths of Aliveness

Life’s magic is in the smoke and mirrors that will either lead you to the truth of your greatness or cause ripples of funhouse illusions that will whirl you in vicious cycles with no way out.

How do we know when we are really alive?  Life plays a funny trick on us sometimes, making us believe that if we are breathing, eating, sleeping, using the bathroom, showering, combing our hair, having sex, running errands and getting ready for work, that we are actually living a life.  But this is not being alive. Where lies the full-bodied bouquet?

Getting the hang of being alive is no easy task. We place barriers between our needs and our desires, prepared with hands extended to spank our own asses for having a little taste of what we want. In creative living, we have been taught to believe that we are frivolous if we decide to follow a dream. We live in a world where the word back-up plan is deemed acceptable vernacular for our untamable creative souls as if failure was something meant to only bring us feast of shame paired nicely with a bottle of our finest default life. What happened?

By this malnourishment, we learned early on to lock our deepest secret pleasures and desires away because we fear that if we touch them, they will burn us as we try to stay alive while breathing in plums of overwhelming smoke.

And we are right.

We are primed in the moment of acknowledging the dissatisfactory conditions to hit self-destruct, leaving the unlivable life behind and going places where many never glimpse.

Our greatest desires act as wormholes to a new reality that, when we touch down upon the hallowed surface of a life we couldn’t have possibly imagined ourselves, cause us to combust instantly from the scintillation of it all, burning away the dead flesh of who we thought we were.  We begin the process of replenishing our life force through the removal of toxins that we have carried over from the previous life nested within our current life. We drain the hurts of our soul and begin to regenerate. Our new skin is tender to the touch, and can feel the most subtle breath of air on our skin. We can taste the piquant of our own rawness. We can smell the crispness of our evolution. We are fully exposed, hanging in the sky waxed full and ripe.

We are no longer hungry. Instead we overflow with nourishment of the highest order.

There is a hunger in all women that absolutely must be sated- otherwise we end up eating our feelings. The hunger inside you is the desire to be your complete self. The physical mechanism you call by your given name is designed to sense holes of malnourishment so that it can refuel, stay alive.  What you may not have counted on was that the hunger you feel is much more than a function of the body. You crave being alive in a hotly exciting relationship with life itself.

Explore your hunger. Discover a life you can love that begs you to live it. Ravage it. Press it against a wall, kissing it passionately. Climax over the simplest pleasures until you are spent, sweaty, and ready to close your eyes.

Everything about us changes when we dive into the endlessness of our passions. The moment of decision is the moment we begin to actually feel. Feeling is the first sign of aliveness that leads us to unify the shining moments into a limitless continuum. This is not ever available to us unless we are able to lie down and open ourselves to our darkness. As the shadow aspect of you rises from your depths to whisper sweet nothings in your ear and errant dares in your mind, listen. The greatest realizations surface from our darkened, unvisited inner rooms.

One day, Lady Darkness will have a gift for you, as long as you entertain her in your boudoir and allow her to be your lady in waiting. In her you will find strength, grounding, creativity, death, connection, love, and awareness. You will see that she had been the keeper of your dreams all along, fighting off demons that lurk in the light. The same light that you thought would free you was what kept you overheated and naïve, blinding you from your own multi-dimensional etheric mystery.

As we discover the magic in our mystery, we realize we have the power to breathe life into those around us who are shackled by unrealized dreams, like we once were. We are the howl of the banshee invoking power into the lives of those we hold dear, crumbling mountains of doubt, slaying the enemy, and cracking the dark skies open to see behind the curtain. We have kept this knowledge from ourselves for fear that we couldn’t handle its meteoric impact, but now we are all things that are, were, and ever shall be. We got this.

And as we transcend the mundane, we will not believe our eyes. We may look down and realize our own hands are still shackled from the ghosting effect of old, unrealized patterns that keep us from our own omnipotence.

Someone will have the keys to your kingdom, and will free you. That someone will be an aspect of your greatest self.

When this inevitable moment of need comes knocking, the quietest whisper will be heard amidst the loudest chaos by the one who knows your frequency. Passersby will ignore you, but the one who holds the key will unlock the gifts of your heart and wholeness. And on that day, you both will walk unified through the threshold of what once was to where you belong.

 

Within Tribe #GoddessWisdom:

1. Danielle LaPorte asks: How do you want to feel? 

2. Brene Brown: “What we don’t know can absolutely hurt us.”

3. Recommended Reading: Women Who Run With the Wolves

4. Daft Punk’s Transcendent vibe and meaningful lyrics will inspire 

5. Vogue’s Sally Singer Commits to 10 Minutes of Meditation 

 

 

 

 

Say Goodbye: Ending Toxic Friendships

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How far down the road are you willing to go before you realize that you have gone the wrong direction? It is human nature to believe that we have it all under control, that we know what we are doing but let’s face it, even the best of us have stayed our welcome in our comfort zones a little too long.  Look at The Buddha. It took him seven years to realize he was on the wrong path with starvation, neglect, and self-abuse as a pathway to enlightenment.

It’s really okay to say I don’t want this anymore.  In fact if it wasn’t said, how could we ever evolve?  We would be putrid with the stench of murky stagnation, and no one would ever want to be near us.

When it comes to friendships, this is a truth that is so essential that our very life force depends on it.

When a friendship has overstayed its welcome, both parties know. It is like having a corpse lying on the floor in the middle of a vibrant garden party.  You can smell its decay over honeysuckles, sweet pea, tea and chocolate truffles. And if you are not careful, you end up tripping over its remains and landing face first in the grass where a dog has just marked her territory, mussing up your fine attire while everyone calls you the fool.

There are just some moments when you know there can be no more compromises, when you realize your friend has not taken your best interests to heart and you must let said person go.

Relationships are a pathway to your best self. The very best of those you choose to relationship with will hold a key that was always yours, given to them before either of you touched your feet on the planet’s surface.  They know your best and worst without you having to say a word and are willing to spar you until you get your shit right and take you into their arms with the greatness of their love. The deliciousness continues when there is a mutual desire established to make the other person smile, laugh, and grow.

We teach people how to treat us.  If we are silent because of mistreatment that is clearly evident to both parties, it becomes Palestine level hostile territory. You both will begin to count the things that you have done for each other. You will hold the remaining power you possess over the other person. Resentment will hold you both at gunpoint, and then you will toxify each other with your darkness. Suddenly you will awaken to the realizations that all of those little snide jokes, subtle insults and the blow-offs were hostage negotiations for your soul.

But I need my friends, you will think, as your dignity trickles down your leg.

It doesn’t matter how long you have known someone, if it isn’t healthy, you are a hostage and captor as is your counterpart. Your sick game continues with each of you playing either role until someone is strong enough to squeeze her sweat-stung eyes shut and pull the trigger before the last tear falls.

Let it be you.

Spotting a Toxic Relationship

If you are afraid to tell the truth in any relationship, there is no relationship at all. We need to give ourselves permission to speak the truth when we are hurt at the very moment our heart has been pierced. If a friendship is ever going to get past the first flush and get real, admissions of mistakes and exposure of our worst selves is inevitable. If you have difficulty allowing this to happen, you are participating in the creation of a toxic environment.

In healthy relationships, respect and understanding to the commitment of cultivating a relationship is present. In unhealthy relationships, boundaries are blurred through the most vulnerable moments.  As you pour your heart out, the information may be reserved for another moment when among friends, it is used to weaken you. Gift giving and other heart-felt moments will be used to keep you hanging on in a tiresome dance of besting. You may hear your bestie say terrible things, and you excuse it thinking she would never say anything like that about me until the day comes when you  meet your confidences face to face in the form of an invasive, sensational question being asked from someone you don’t know.

What makes toxic people?

Toxic people make toxic people. When we are silent to our own needs and put the needs of others above all else, we are creating a toxic environment for ourselves that will naturally permeate all other relationships. In the silencing of our true nature, we lose our uniqueness and our psyche, heart, and soul become diseased.

When we ignore our intuition screaming in our head - run, yet we step closer, we have a real problem on our hands. Our own judgment cannot be trusted. We will therefore attract untrustworthy people.  They can spot us a mile away.  We are the ones wearing the graphic tee that says “naïve prey.”

We need to first make sure we are the happiest we can be in the present moment with ourselves. We need to make sure we enjoy solitude, our inner wildness, our assertive attitude, and our flaws before we go outside ourselves to make solid relationships. It is essential to get to know and fall in love with ourselves. We need to have a healthy dose of selfishness. We require individuality, our own identity. There must be a reason for wanting to share our moments with another person that comes from the core of who we authentically are. That takes serious integrity.

Integrity is a balm for toxic people. It is a force of energy that commands respect and straightens the spine.  It tells us that we are worth the very best of life through its unconditional sustainment in all that lives. Those that do not possess or understand it are easily detected – they are the same as our underdeveloped selves and because of that, we may fall hard for their potential.  While such a person may appear to be kindred to our own days of being a demi-goddess, it is not up to us to take them under our wings and create them. Who created us? Our excruciating pain of learning the hard way did.  So, when they walk into our sacred space in short shorts, fuck-me pumps, a whole lot of smooth talk and zero substance, it is okay to gracefully decline engagement in favor of your heard-earned life wisdom.

Letting go of unhealthy friendships is the very best gift you could give yourself. Sometimes, friendships that have no anchor just dissolve, but others have such a deep rooted spur in the heart that they need life-changing truth spoken with fire before a quick goodbye.  Follow your heart. Love yourself first.

Know limits, boundaries and choose friends wisely with your intuition as your guide.

 

 

 

 

 

Death is a Muse

Sometimes a step back is a step forward, nothing is linear.  This is a great lesson that I am learning on my memoir journey. I have written so much of what I remember about a particularly tumultuous era of my life, but somehow I always find myself back at the beginning, realizing a new thread of truth about my life’s meaning.  From that thread, I want to reshape my perspectives according to the new priceless discoveries I have made.  I am learning the true meaning of soul work and the fact that it is never done.

Soul work is an intense process, a sacred untangling of the neglected bones left behind in a fervent search to find Shangri-La, so that life will be easy, of course. I see my tendencies to rush finishing the book; I find my ego enjoying my cleverness, which adds more distraction.  I have already done the book tour, sat on Oprah’s couch, and hugged my family over the success, and yet nothing is complete.  This work I should not see as a future meal ticket, but instead a deep connection to understanding myself and why I am here.  With each step I take I am connecting to a profound realization that I AM of Goddess mind, spirit, and body.  That is more than any riches I could ever attain on the physical plane.

When Alison Nappi, my beloved writing coach and soul sister, was teaching me the ways and voices with which I could write my memoir, she said “You are the mystical feminine. That voice is seductive and it needs to be the strongest voice in your work.”  I didn’t understand what she was saying because I was unwilling to look at the aspects of life that frightened me, the stuff of legend that made me what I am.  I did not want to face my truth for fear that something gruesome was lurking, about to be unearthed and swallow me whole.

I met my weaker self: the self that was blinded by other people’s ideas and desires of me. I was way too ugly by my dad’s standards as well as my grandmother’s. I was tainted by relationship deaths in the loss of my youngest son to his father’s criminal level control, physical deaths of my mother to cancer, friends to suicide and murder, deaths of eras of my life from being a self-centered pretty young thing to becoming a mother and a nurturer,  the death of dreams, the death of the day, even the death of seasons: I always get scared when the last leaf falls from the tree, as if I may never see the promise of springtime green again.

Sometimes my grief is just too much to bear.

This is why I never really saw myself as a goddess. Goddesses were sexy, beautiful and all powerful. They had the power to give life and take it away. They were worshipped and enjoyed adoration. I was completely unconscious of my power and my role in the outcomes of my life.  I handed my power over to whoever could perform my life for me, be it a deity or a dead-end lover. I viewed the realities of suffering as punishments to keep hidden away.

Now, as my life is spread all over the floor of my psyche, my spirit says it is time to claim what I really am.  All of my suffering has been an initiation for me to figure out who I am to me, my most sacred relationship, and what I have come to do. In the doing, my true identity is revealed and hidden and revealed again. I am a divine mosaic.

Sometimes standing in my power is so muggy, so heat inducing, so intense that I can barely stand its aridness and I thirst for the mundane. People want to be around me, I have to connect and be aware.  Those things have been debilitating difficulties for me. Now, I am beginning to move past such notions but it is no less difficult, but the difference is that I believe in myself more. I expand and I contract knowing that sometimes a blanket is so much more welcoming to hide under than to take the risk of change and leap into the abyss of the unknown.

I am learning to reteach myself how to live after grief. I have to learn how to walk, talk, eat, see, feel, breathe and assimilate information again. I have rebuilt and torn down my heart many times over because I fear future loss. I don’t want to break the hearts of those who love me by dying, and I don’t want anyone I love to die leaving me behind in my bleakness again.

Seeing death as a masculine aspect of punishment with a scythe and bony finger extended from a dusty old cloak is not good for anyone.  We cannot live unless we understand that death is a relationship, one of such deep intimacy that it is within us all the time, working with us, creating alongside us.  It is teaching us by whispering in our ears during the night saying “Nothing is of value without me.”  It brings us comfort when we can bear no more, holding our hands to the very end of the path. I did not grow up being taught this, but instead grew up knowing only that the wages of sin were death, followed by more death if you didn’t accept this religious fact and that mythic story.

I think this is why my family is so broken. They have given up on life’s majesty.  From their vantage point, they have been punished for their fact of being. Their air was treacherous and tinged with enough poison so either spiritually or physically, they began dropping like flies with the most shallow of breaths.

Pain is transformative and death is a muse. It is everyone’s muse.  We all suffer, but what keeps us from being devoured is a renewed perspective of our sufferings in both an individual and collective consciousness.  I choose not to look away, but to stare directly at my struggles, breathe in the poison defiantly, so that I may die to live again.  We can only be destroyed by our personal chambers of hell if we allow it to be so.  The same can be said for the glory that we chase.

I believe that I will always be acclimating myself to a new normal.  Connecting to and believing that each experience shapes my world and changes the gate of my stride is an addendum to understanding the beauty and importance of death. It is a death in and of itself; for I have killed the belief system that was strangling my life force.  I am untangling, reshaping and adding flesh to the bones.

My greatest mistake was in thinking that my stride only comes from glory, praise and that my intuition, sassiness and sensuality was from the boons of life. No. That is not where I get my hip swivel and spiritual strength. It is in being utterly destroyed and not only living to tell about it, but admiring the beauty of all life that has come to be and has learned to thrive under the watchful keep of inevitability.  It is in having a part of me taken away and connecting to the regenerative properties of body, mind and spirit. Life is not for the faint-hearted. Its glory is in being unafraid to see truth while wrapping the soul around its temperamental embrace and making love to the unknown.

‘Fessing Up: Naming and Claiming My Desires

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I have a confession to make. I want to be wealthy and famous.  My inner critic has just chastised me for saying this aloud. “Aren’t you supposed to be more evolved than that? What happened during the 8 years of yoga? A spiritual person should…”

Please inner critic, shut the fuck up. You’re out of your element.

I have always wanted to be well-known and loved for something. When I was a kid I wanted to be an actress, or  more accurately, a Hollywood star because I felt fancy and glamorous on the inside and needed that validated for me out in the world. I wanted to sing and be a pop star and go on tour when I wasn’t filming my blockbuster hits. As I matured and valued the need to expand my mind, and after trying to break into the Hollywood scene, I realized that I didn’t want to lay waste to my soul and lose my feminine power. But the desire to have it all never left me.

It is a hunger in me that I still cannot ignore.

Now that hunger is in the desire to teach, write, coach, and share my insights with the world. I want to take my magic and touch others souls with it in a profound way.  I want to do all of this while wearing my vintage glamour of course. I seem to be doing all of this now except for the Oprah level wealthy and famous part and I am getting impatient.

My desire isn’t happening fast enough, in fact most of the time I feel quite rushed. I credit that feeling inside to watching my mother die at forty-two years old. She  waited till she was forty to graduate college. I feel as if I am in a race against time to make something of myself and bring in the cash. I have to know what I am doing. I have to show myself that I am worthy of being here, but to whom? Where inside me does this mania generate?

For so long I have wanted to get rid of my desire because this line of thinking has brought me pain.  I have felt inadequate in pretty much all of the things I have attempted and have a wasteland of unfinished projects in my backyard.  The ticking sound of my internal metronome says “come on, produce!” Sometimes I feel like a slave to my work, my goals and my purpose.

I wonder how other people do it, how they become. Why don’t I feel as good as they seem to feel? I want to feel at ease with my purpose and gifts and have a profile picture that makes you believe it.  I want my intelligence and hard work validated.  I want to continually evolve, ever unfolding, from beginning to end to beginning again.  Do I do that? I don’t know. I am really very insecure.

I don’t get much feedback from the outside world, at least, not enough to my liking. How do I know that I am doing it right?  What was “it” again? I guess I just have to trust myself. Now that is quite the task.

I want my life to be easy. I have gone through enough hardships already. But if I heal, I am strong enough to grow. If I grow, I can grow my life and belief that I can repeat this process with each challenge I am given. There is no other way it can be done, believe me I have tried to live on Easy Street and my house burned down (bad wiring).

Sometimes I want to huddle in a little ball and hide from the world. Instead, I stay inside the house, inside my shell, and compare myself to others. After that, I compare others to others. I also compare myself to myself. I look around and see all of these powerful voices and feel I should be alongside of them and later question if I deserve to be among their ranks. How did it turn out that I am struggling to get there? This is why I have a hard time finishing projects and afraid to leave my house. THIS is why. Well also this question: How do I get to magnify my voice to the world without paying a publicist $3,000 per month?

When I die, I want to know that I used my life until it was tired, withered and worn. Why else am I here but to do just this? Why have I been given this magical charisma, firepower, intuition and above all else, an OVERWHELMING love inside of me that cannot be quenched? ( It isn’t there for me to be known as the woman who could leave the neatest pattern of vacuum tracks in her rug that no one ever saw or cared about.)

I need to own all of this  in order for my questions to be answered.

I have not owned my desire to be famous because fame has become a gross misrepresentation of life, especially for women.  Self-involved floozies are turning the world into their glorified shopping mall and tanning bed experience.  I could care less about those vapid things. I don’t want to be known for who I am wearing but what I have come to say.  When I get old I want to be the crone that lovingly advises women that are burdened by this same hunger to go out there and change the world.

The fact that I have not owned my desire has made me become Woody Allen level neurotic. I have placed a stigma around my own intuition.  I came into the world knowing I was special and I flat out denied it.  I made an inadvertent life purpose out of fixing abusive men, using myself as a teaching tool, emotional baggage receptacle and a punching bag instead of chasing my dreams and believing I was worthy of their fruition. I spent years pretending I was more than I was, imprisoned by false bravado when what I needed was to focus inward and speak my truth.

Ah the beauty of hindsight…but I digress.

I will no longer deny my desires. I speak them now into existence. We women have a distinct magic for performing the impossible magic of making life happen even when we don’t think we are capable of so much power.

I will no longer hide from my truth. Enslavement is still slavery even if you think you are free. I will no longer justify my choices or question my ideas. This is the core of trust.

If you want something name it.  If you do not want something, don’t focus on it. Work hard, be kind, and inspire others with your truth.

Initiation to Divine Feminine Wisdom

{ source: blipfoto }

{ source: blipfoto }

The process of becoming a wise woman is beset on initiation.  The trauma we experience in our lives sets us apart from the world of safety and security.  We see beyond the veil of guarantees into the deep grit of life’s inner workings and if we can stand it, we become wise from what we have seen, discovering that we are the point of origination for the turn of the world.

The hardships in our lives are the gateways to initiation, the fiery doorway of transformation.  As we walk along the road, we subconsciously leave clues for us to find our way back to the life we already know. Our breadcrumb trail is our link to our pragmatic selves.  Standing before the doorway, we become aware that this is the same door we have seen many times in our dreams. It is the star gate, the mouth of the cave, and the cliff that we must jump.  Our inner wisdom has prepared us for the moment to walk through it since the time of our birth, to be initiated to our real lives of intuitive womanhood.

“We took them to the edge and bade them fly. They held on. Fly we said. They held on. We pushed them over the edge. And they flew.”  -Guillaume Apollinaire

We women need permission to do everything.  We ponder the ideas of risk and take a step backward, allowing the overprotective mother energy that guides our minds to stifle our path. We become anxious when our nest is threatened with change and yet, it is change we crave.  This counter intuition has been given to us courtesy of the reminders from the women before us. In our collective sisterhood, we learned that intuition is to be quieted, for it is not useful in this world and comes with great risk.  We allowed our spiritual healing journeys to be co-opted by doctor visits, our repressed emotions replaced by chronic illnesses.

We stayed in unhealthy relationships because we worried about how the other person will carry on without us to wash his clothes, to prepare his meals, and provide him physical comforts.  We busied our minds with duty, while our life force was covertly sucked away by a predator at our teat feigning the need to be nurtured.

And we have told ourselves each and every day that what we are doing is good. It is good for our children; it is good for the future. It is good for us.  We labor in the act of convincing ourselves that our dying embers are a normal part of life, and the quieting our fierceness comes with maturity.

This is the root of trauma.

The choice to look at this truth allows the initiate to discover that the opening to the fiery doorway is worth the risk of being burned.  It is in understanding that strong decisions create a downwind of raw feminine power, subduing the flames, widening the narrow path to the other side while creating a storm to decimate the mundane. Her courage seals the portal from the other side so she won’t be tempted to return nor rationalize her reasons for staying.

Initiation is in the observation of the sacred land of the self.  It is in the refusal to compromise the importance of your spiritual gifts to please others.  It is in being an orphaned child and forging your own path.  It is the burying of your spouse, and sometimes your children. It is the ability to say “I was raped” aloud.  In the deepest moments of grief, our losses are compensated with the ability to see through time.

Our psychic link to all life that exists is heightened and becomes a fortress of healthy boundaries in relationships and a deeper inner dialogue with the lost aspects of ourselves.

We then are able to come face to face with the apparitions of our foes who once were large and harrowing.  The journey to confront them is that of the hero, as we delve into the bottomless world of our mind searching for clues to find and destroy them.

We discover our greatest healing power has been usurped by psychic wire-tapping – recordings left from traumatic experiences.  These are the way that your captors can still have a hold on you even when you are convinced they are out of your life. They have turned your dials through the implanting of ideas, slowly and unnoticeably changing who you are, tweaking what you think and feel.  These changes continue to ripple into the far reaches of your life until you sever the connection by allowing your intuition to guide you once again. You have evolved from the naïveté that could not see the ills of your greatest virtues captured, when you free your subconscious from the influence of your predator.

Your predator may take on many forms, but its goals are universal: subdue the illuminated one. 

What has held you back? What has become a cancer in your life?  Cut it away. Remove it all so that it doesn’t come back with a vengeance after a brief remission.  Pull out the shards of pain and use love to stop your soul from hemorrhaging.

This is the heart of initiation.

Many women who have come to me for my intuitive guidance have said “I wish I could see what you can see.”

What can you not see? What are you turning away from? When did you forgo the ecstatic dance for normalcy?  When did you tell yourself that you were not worthy of being complete? When did your life start living you?

It is in those questions that her envy is quieted and windows to her world are cracked, allowing fresh air to clear the intuitive fog.

Being intuitive is not something that sets one person apart from the other, making them better or more masterful than any other person.  It is the result of survival, the most visceral initiation, through unbearable processes of life.  A woman’s intuition matures when her deepest relationships are severed through death, making the only viable communication through her spiritual connection fueled by her love.  Her intuition heightens when she stays with the searing pain of childbirth, gripping at life as she deftly harnesses her power to bring life forward.  It is in the quiet mornings that she lets her heart speak to her, as tears roll down her cheeks.   It is in her being able to feel the word yes in her bones, never uttering its sacredness unless it feels right each and every time.

Initiation is the voracious search for the aspects of your soul left along the trail as unrecognizable orphaned children and yet, you still look upon them fondly with love, giving them a place to heal, be loved, and grow.

3 Mystical Actions to Empower your Inner Wild Woman

wild-woman1

{ Source: markshepherdsongs.com }

“A Woman’s issues of soul cannot be treated by carving her into a more acceptable form as defined by an unconscious culture, nor can she be bent into a more intellectually acceptable shape by those who claim to be the sole bearers of consciousness. No, that is what has already caused millions of women who began as strong and natural powers to become outsiders in their own cultures.”  ~Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.

Women are the bearers of untamable divinity.  When we place the soles of our feet upon the holy ground of Mother Earth, we open to a special feminine language.  We pierce the mundane with every step we take, as the rest of the world’s rubber soles tread unaware.  The spiritual woman’s path is the pendulum sway of voluptuous hips in accord with the myriad rhythms of time.

The frightening beauty of the unkempt wildness of woman is what we all want so desperately to emerge.  We need our deepest aspects understood, loved, heard, and honored through a reverence that extends beyond the frivolities of diluted awareness.  The pique of woman is not the heart-stopping deliciousness of form and fairness that empowers her. Everyone who has tasted the nectar of a woman knows that the ambrosia that enlivens the tongue and opens the mind is only a pathway beyond temporal stimuli into the birth of ultimate reality.

For a woman to be complete she must be able to dance naked around a fire under the watch of a ripened full moon.  She must expel the tender sweetness of sexual delight.  She must be unhinged in order to create.  Women wear the veil to the unseen, unknowable world with every creative act, lifting it as we see fit.  Our bodies are heavenly hosts of the soul song that has the power to resurrect the dead and ignite evolution.

It can be smothering to be a woman of our modern age.  We have so much to prove, while we work to disprove our own fallacies, myths of our weakness.  We must be results oriented in order to convey we are worthy in a world with little feminine fluency.  We water down the mysterious power that cannot be contained, nor fully understood, thus diminishing our brilliance.  We wish to express ourselves in the fullness of our intuition, embark on life-changing spiritual journeys, partake in sacred circles and let the rain baptize our torn hearts.

Ultimately, we need to restore ourselves back to vibrancy every single day.

{ Source: Tumblr }

{ Source: Tumblr }

We require solitude from the distracting noise of a million unheard voices that call upon the divine mother.  The petitioners perhaps never realize that their mythic vision defies reality. The transcendent magic of the poorest woman enables her to hear every prayer uttered.  It is the letdown of her spiritual milk.

It is no wonder we have been silenced.  We have been blindfolded, led to believe we must not accept compliment or accolade.  We have been forced into the back of a world built on a foundation of insecurity, competition and supremacy.

Relationship structures have been recreated for women to submit themselves to their men, their most important aspects compromised so as to empower and simultaneously pacify their partners into unnatural comfort.  How else could the wrath of Kali be contained?  Who wouldn’t want to seek refuge in the arms of Mother Mary?

The world needs the unfettered woman now more than ever.  The maidens need to learn compassion and grace from their mothers. Mothers need to diligently learn the ways of truth from the crone. The crones must use their aged eyes to look into the mysterious future while foraging the bones of our ancestors to once again, bring ancient wisdom back to life.  

We must look to the divine feminine to help us from selling our souls for superficial ideas of enlightenment.  We must do the fearful work it takes to reach our sacred inner fountain.  We must be diligent, responsible and committed to our personal truth.

The world is a very frightening place when we cannot live our truth.  Living a lie gives us the burden of too much to remember.  So many costume changes must go off without a hitch, and too many people have to be pleased.  When we are liars we are bound at our delicate wrists to the outside world’s view of a depiction of us.  But we women have mastered the art of costuming in order to survive.  How can we break away?

:: Soul Retrieval:  For the seer, the shaman, and the priestess, soul retrieval is the act of recalling the lost parts of oneself across the reaches of space-time.  The process begins with the understanding that we are complex, multi-dimensional beings with the power to transform energy on sight.  We look to heal ourselves by reaching into the past and offering forgiveness to self and others, defeating the illusion of fear through positive action, and letting our love flow freely in those areas.  It is a journey into the vast desert of the forgotten self and adding flesh to neglected bones.  This is a practice that every spiritual woman must explore with a sense of full presence so that her truth may be used as a return path.

:: Embrace Sacred Solitude: Solitude is the art of spending time alone, by choice, and enjoying it. In sacred solitude, you have no gods to appease. You have no censorship.  It is the creative realm where you discover new truths, rediscover evolving truths, and heal from the demands of the world. It is a place to learn self love. Creating a personal space for retreat is essential for women.  We need a place to empty our hearts and bare our souls without fear of judgment or rejection.  Start with creating a space in your mind that you encrypt from negative thoughts, to-do lists, and responsibilities to everyone else. Then build your sanctuary in your home. Even if it is the smallest corner, it is your pristine part of the universe.

:: Create: Women are natural creators.  Whatever medium you choose, take time to create something.  Take a moment to close your eyes and tap into the Goddess within the containment of your body.  Feel the pressure of every word unexpressed, every desire you have wished.  We have mastered the task of quietness to be acceptable in a conformist society. Is what you don’t say your authentic nature?  What is your authentic voice? How does it sound? If you could say just three words what would they be? Reject the acceptable form.  Untie the corset, take off the control tops, unhook the bra, and spend time stark naked in your soft, creative energy.  You have the right and the power to do so.  The world needs the call of the mountain woman, the haunting sirens song, and the stroke of heartfelt truth that only you can give.